College professors can be real comedians. Thanks to years of life experience and razor-sharp wit, some of them can entertain a lecture hall full of students better than a stand-up pro — and all without being crass or cliché.
AdmiGram.com has collected some of the best one-liners and witty remarks that students have shared online. Try reading them without smiling — we dare you!
The Funniest Quotes from College Professors
Hey, you in the back row! Quiet down! Let’s at least pretend you’re interested.
— Functions and Analysis Instructor
— Functions and Analysis Instructor
Please stop banging your heads on the desks. It’s not that bad yet.
— Quantum Mechanics Professor
— Quantum Mechanics Professor
Some people think education is just about collecting fancy words to juggle in conversation.
— Law Professor
— Law Professor
Student: “So, what did you think of my analytical paper?
Professor: “Well… I liked the title.”
— Statistics Professor
Professor: “Well… I liked the title.”
— Statistics Professor
Your essay was so original, I had a hard time finding it in the plagiarism database.
— World Literature Professor
— World Literature Professor
After grading these tests, I’m convinced some students are trying to rewrite the entire history of constitutional law.
— Legal History Professor
— Legal History Professor
The world is full of useless things. I’m proud to teach you the most beautiful of them — differential geometry.
— Math Lecturer
— Math Lecturer
To understand Diogenes of Sinope, just accept that he was basically the most famous homeless man in Ancient Greece.
— Philosophy Professor
— Philosophy Professor
If you think cheating is a free lunch, here’s the bill from the Dean’s Office.
— Economics Professor
— Economics Professor
Your exam answers violate the second law of thermodynamics — there’s no way that much chaos just happens.
— Physics Professor
— Physics Professor
What you just wrote reminds me of Twitter — short, incoherent, and full of typos.
— History Lecturer
— History Lecturer
Your argument, dear student, is like a campaign promise — loud, but unsubstantiated.
— Political Science Lecturer
— Political Science Lecturer
If you don’t get this theorem, don’t worry — even Euler didn’t understand it… for the first 30 years.
— Mathematics Professor
— Mathematics Professor
Your chemistry experiment scared the fire extinguisher.
— Chemistry Lecturer
— Chemistry Lecturer
If evolution really works, how come some of you still haven’t learned how to take notes?
— Biology Professor
— Biology Professor
Your interpretation of Nietzsche reminds me of his philosophy: God is dead — and judging by your essay, so is logic.
— Philosophy Professor
— Philosophy Professor
