It’s commonly believed that the root of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance lies in the teenage years, but according to some researchers (for example, Gilbert and Thompson, 2005), feelings of shame can start as early as 2-3 years old. These feelings are often linked to insults, critical evaluations, and remarks primarily from parents but also from peers.
As early as this age, a child might develop the belief that others find them unattractive. By the age of 5, negative perceptions of body size can emerge, and around 7-8 years old becomes critical since children enter a relatively aggressive school environment, with limited cognitive resources to fend off attacks. However, there are enough resources to accumulate dissatisfaction with oneself.
Throughout school years, self-esteem and self-perceived attractiveness tend to consistently decline. By preadolescence, around 9-10 years old, various studies suggest that 40% (Smolak, 2004) to 70% (Cusumano and Thompson, 2001) of girls experience dissatisfaction with some aspect of their physical appearance. It’s only when discussing teenagers that researchers begin to mention all these factors together, including teasing (within families and at school), the influence of media, and the internet. Admigram.com asks you to read this.
What to do if you’re unsatisfied with your appearance
Breaking the cycle of teasing and negative self-perception
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You might feel that we’re starting from afar, as you’ve grown up, and if someone teased you in the past, it might not seem helpful now. However, firstly, awareness is the first step to solving a problem (by the way, you should never get stuck on the first step; you need to take subsequent ones, otherwise the first step is pointless). Secondly, many of you might become parents or are already parents who want a better life for your children.
One aspect of a better life for many parents includes their children having a better appearance. Moreover, we tend to repeat our parents’ behavior patterns. Concerning this repetition, numerous studies show that teasing and negative judgments from family members have particularly destructive consequences for a child’s self-esteem. This aspect also arises later when evaluating what qualities help a person withstand external pressure.
Factors influencing this resilience primarily include stable personal characteristics (self-confidence, sociability, sense of humor, coping skills); social support from family and friends; and effective social skills (adaptive defensive reactions, future-oriented perspectives, and so on).
Is body and weight our biggest issue?
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Yet, let’s return to those who haven’t developed good resilience. The most common appearance-related problem for women is body weight and figure. Similarly concerning are buttock shape, thigh shape, and overall body weight. Following these are issues with noses, skin, and a small percentage is dissatisfied with everything.
The most troubling aspect is that external features are closely linked to global self-esteem. Paradoxically, however, it’s almost irrelevant how a person actually looks; what matters is their sense of satisfaction with themselves. This leads to a double paradox where the world demands perfection, yet you demand only faith that you are who you are.
From external changes to inner transformation
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Regarding methods people use to overcome dissatisfaction with their appearance, changing one’s external appearance comes first. Then comes changing its significance, followed by working with cognitive processes, essentially cognitive psychotherapy (working on beliefs, cognitive distortions, and so on).
Even when discussing self-dissatisfaction, people tend to say: “I want to lose weight,” “get a new breast-nose-eyelids.” Instead of seeking overall self-satisfaction, they tend to formulate a request for change. However, working on the processes in our minds results in significantly reduced anxiety and greater self-acceptance.
After working on self-acceptance, you might still decide to build muscles or undergo nose surgery. The difference lies in the fact that firstly, you’ll be capable of these actions (unlike those who shy away from the gym because they need to lose a couple of extra kilos before showing up), and secondly, you’ll have a clear goal instead of vague self-dissatisfaction and a new, unfamiliar nose.
Conclusion
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Unfortunately, always remember that working on oneself is a lifelong journey, and any psychotherapist can only help set the direction; you do most of the work yourself. A small consolation is that, statistically, after the age of 30, the level of self-dissatisfaction slightly decreases.
Lastly, it’s worth emphasizing that plastic surgery is not a panacea. No matter how conscious and necessary your decision to have an operation is, remember that every surgery, even the simplest one, can have complications and unpredictable consequences. Learning to love yourself as you truly are is the best and safest investment in your health.
image on top: Jalen Terry / Unsplash
