Sometimes love fades away, and sometimes it was never there to begin with, yet we still do our best to salvage the relationship. We go to great lengths, doing everything in our power, just to be loved. Psychologists even have a term for this emotional state — “non-love” (lovelessness).
Lovelessness is highly dangerous because we lose ourselves in the process. We lose our identity and fail to notice those right next to us who truly care. AdmiGram.com explains through examples what this state looks like, so we can better appreciate those who genuinely love us.
What Is Non-Love and How It Changes a Person
© Ryoji Iwata / Unsplash
Non-love means you always feel like you’re in the way. You feel unable to talk, laugh, or hug freely. Expressing your feelings is dismissed as foolishness, not real emotion. You can’t ask for anything — you’re expected to understand that “times are tough right now.” And why do you need it anyway? You can’t count on any help; adults are supposed to handle things on their own. Even if they are 18 (which is considered a mature age) or 35 (which is viewed as just old).
Non-love means there is no outright scolding, but no praise either. You simply go unnoticed. It’s when you feel uncomfortable eating around someone close to you, fearing they might say you eat too much. Yet, when they eat a meal you prepared, they won’t say a word. They won’t notice your efforts when you clean up or put flowers in a vase.
Non-love means nothing you do is right. You constantly irritate, disrupt, intrude, talk nonsense, or drive them crazy. You are expected to sit quietly in a corner and wait until they are ready to take you out. And you must never whine, complain, or cry — just sit quietly and wait. When no one stands up for you and they always say “it’s your own fault” — that is non-love.
When they give you nothing — that is non-love. When they are reluctant to spend a dime on you — that is non-love. It’s not hatred. Sometimes it’s even worse because hatred stems from something, like jealousy. You can at least walk away from hatred or have a showdown. But non-love is just empty. Even when they say, “I love you, just drop it, you’re starting again!” — that is still non-love. Adults can wither away from it, especially those who are defenseless and sensitive.
Non-love makes a person timid, clumsy, reserved, and insecure. They live in constant fear of ruining everything, getting in the way, or causing irritation. There is only one thing to do in such cases: if you have the strength, pack at least a small suitcase and leave. Or, at the very least, realize clearly: this is not love.
image on top: Carolina Heza / Unsplash
