Sometimes love fades away, and sometimes it was never there in the first place, yet we still do our best to salvage the relationship. We go to great lengths, doing everything in our power, just to be loved. Psychologists even have a name for this state of the soul — non-love.
Non-love is very dangerous. Dangerous because we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves and fail to notice those who are right there, truly loving us. AdmiGram.com will explain through examples what non-love is, so that we can appreciate even more those who truly love us.
What is non-love and how it changes a person
© Ryoji Iwata / Unsplash
Non-love is when you can’t interfere. You can’t talk, laugh, or hug. You can’t talk about your feelings — that’s foolishness, not feelings. You can’t ask for anything — you should understand that it’s a tough time right now. And what do you need it for anyway? You can’t rely on help; adults should handle things on their own. Even if they’re 18 — that’s already a solid age. And if they’re 35 — that’s just old.
Non-love is when there’s no particular scolding, but no praise either. You go unnoticed. It’s when it’s uncomfortable to eat around someone close: they might say you eat too much. But when they eat the meal you’ve prepared, they won’t say a word. They won’t notice your efforts when you tidy up and arrange flowers in a vase.
Non-love is when nothing is allowed. When you irritate, interfere, intrude, talk nonsense, or drive someone crazy. You must sit quietly in the corner and wait until they take you for a walk. And you mustn’t whine, complain, or cry — just sit quietly and wait. When no one defends you and they say ‘it’s your own fault’ — that’s non-love.
When they don’t give you anything — that’s non-love. When they’re reluctant to spend money on you — that’s non-love. It’s not hatred. Sometimes it’s even worse because hatred comes from something — like jealousy, for example. And you can leave or have a showdown. But not loving — just like that. Although they say, ‘I love you, just stop it, you’re at it again!’ That’s what non-love is. Adults can die from it, especially those who are so defenseless and sensitive.
Non-love makes a person timid, clumsy, reserved, and unattractive. They’re afraid of ruining everything, getting in the way, or causing irritation… There’s nothing to be done in such cases: if you have the strength, you should leave with at least a small suitcase. Or at the very least, understand clearly: this is non-love. Not love.
image on top: Carolina Heza / Unsplash
